8 Harsh Truths of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

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If you personally know me, have read my ‘About Me’ page, or you follow me at all on social media, then you know by now that I’m a stay-at-home mom. I feel like we (stay-at-home moms) get judged all of the time:

“What does she do all day?”

“Does she not know how to do anything else?”

“Did she not get a degree to get a good job?”

“Her child should be in day care around other children.”

“She’s got it made getting to stay home and do whatever she wants.”

Usually these judgements come from parents who have never even been a stay-at-home parent, or people who don’t even have kids. I’ve had comments made to me before how Austin should be in daycare around other kids or he won’t know how to interact with other children. That is the biggest lie. I know I’m partial to Austin, but he’s extremely smart. I work with him every day and it’s amazing how much he knows, and he plays great with other kids (okay, not great all of the time…he’s like any other toddler, and he’s not perfect). My mom stayed home with my brothers and I until we started school, and we all turned out just fine.

I don’t want to make it sound like everyone is negative towards me about staying home either. Our families have always been supportive of me staying home with Austin. I’ve even had other people tell me before that they couldn’t do what I’m doing, and they know it’s a hard job.

Every child is different, so you should never make assumptions about someone else’s child or have an opinion about what they should or shouldn’t be doing. I try to take that into consideration myself when I see another parent doing something I would never do. It’s in our human nature to have an opinion about everything. That doesn’t make it right to judge or make someone else feel like a bad parent for doing what they think is best. To be honest, working mom’s get judged a lot too. You just can’t win….whether you stay home or go to work, everyone is judging you. It’s just the world we live in today.

If you know me in real life, you know that I’m more than capable of working “a real job” (insert sarcasm and a big eye roll here). I graduated from high school with Honors and went on to college with big dreams.

I originally wanted to be a Pediatric Oncologist. I love children and helping others, so that seemed like the perfect job for me. Then when I actually started college, I changed my mind (like most college students do) and decided to become a Pharmacist. I quickly realized, Organic Chemistry was not in my future. So then I switched my major over to Radiologic Science. Don’t worry, I stuck with that one.

I graduated with a degree in Radiologic Science, passed my registry exam to become a Registered Radiologic Technologist, and then went back to school to specialize in Computed Tomography (CT Scans). I received grants and scholarships, so not only was my school paid for, but they were actually sending me checks in the mail to pay me to go to school. I still don’t know how that happened. It was one of those unexplained things that I call a “God thing.” I became pregnant before finishing the program, but I only had a few months left and all of my classes were online.

Instead of going to work after I had Austin, we decided it would be best for me to stay home with him. We could afford it, and I didn’t want to leave him and miss watching him learn things. I don’t say that in a bad way towards working mom’s. Some mom’s have to go to work, and some choose to work because staying home is not for them, and that’s fine too. I’m just saying we have been extremely blessed for me to have this opportunity. I know it’s not a walk in the park for working mom’s either, and I definitely don’t pass judgement. Being a mom is just hard all around, period.

Some days, staying home has felt like more than I can handle, but if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would. I was able to watch Austin roll over for the first time, sit up, crawl, say his first word, stand, walk, and so much more. Staying home is not always smiles though. I’ve never told this to anyone before, but I had postpartum depression and anxiety after Austin was born. This is so hard for me to admit, because I’ve always been such a happy person and never in a million years thought I would feel the way I did, but….hormones mixed with a colicky baby who didn’t sleep happened.

I cried every day for several months. I held him all day (and sometimes all night) and rocked him as he screamed and cried, too. Dustin would walk in from work, and there would be hot tears streaming down my face. I would beg him to not work over-time and come home. He has always been such a great husband and dad. He would take Austin from me and let me go shower and relax in peace for a little while so I could have a break.

So when someone say’s, “Oh, she just stays home all day,” I very much do take offense to it. This is a real job. Being a stay-at-home mom is working 24/7 with no pay, no adult interaction, and losing your sanity because your sweet baby cried all day and you don’t get a mental break from it.

Here are the real harsh truths of being a stay-at-home mom:

1. No paycheck.

Like I said before, we are so blessed for us to afford for me to stay home. I used to feel awful about not helping financially. I felt so bad about it, I went to Dustin crying. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but I know I can’t be the only mom who feels that way about staying home. He was quick to tell me that I shouldn’t feel bad. He told me I’m what keeps everything going around the house, he knows it’s hard on me, and he appreciates me for doing what I do for Austin and our family. As a stay-at-home mom, not contributing financially can make you feel like a huge burden, but you shouldn’t feel that way! You’re doing a BIG job, and that’s enough.

2. The dreaded question, “What is your occupation?”

That question always comes up, whether you’re meeting someone new or you’re at the doctor’s office filling out paper work. I used to get embarrassed when I was asked that, because of the stereotype placed on being a stay-at-home mom. And also because of the obvious…..I have a degree, but here I am….cleaning up poop, getting yelled at by my boss (the feisty 2 yr old who acts just like me), and singing the theme song to Bubble Guppies like my life depends on it. I’m not embarrassed anymore though. I say it proudly, because I KNOW it’s a tough job. The truth is, it’s several “real” jobs in one. I’m a nurse, house maid, cook, teacher, friend, play-mate, and so much more.

3. No alone time.

Sometimes I day-dream about having a 20 minute drive to work just to have some quiet time. Instead, I have a mini-me following me every time I go to the bathroom or to get a snack, and he’s talking my ears off the whole time. He doesn’t nap half the time now, and even bed time is a party over here. So don’t judge me when I tell you I hid in the laundry room one time to get a minute to myself and eat my spicy nacho doritos. True story.

4. No adult interaction.

This is a big one. By the time Dustin gets off of work, I’m exploding with so much to say. He has a long drive home, so he calls me and I tell him about our day, usually while Austin is hollering in the background. If you see me out in public and I don’t know how to act, just know it’s because I’ve lost my sanity to a two year old. My days consist of him only telling me what color everything is all day and passing gas on me. He has figured out how to do that on purpose now and thinks it’s hilarious. Good times.

5. Being touched-out.

If you don’t know what I mean by that, let me enlighten you. That just means you’ve been holding your baby, been followed around all day, constantly been pulled on, cried on, laid on, and climbed all over. By the end of the day, you don’t want to be touched. You want your own space, and rightfully so. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. If I don’t have my own space for at least a few minutes each day, my mind wants to explode.

6. Lonely days.

I don’t want this one to be taken out of context. I have the best husband and we have some of the best conversations and laughs together, but being home all day can be hard. Sure, I have my son by me all day long, but that doesn’t count. Sometimes Dustin works 16 hour days, and it may be 2-3 days before I see or talk to him. This kind of goes hand in hand with no adult interaction. Sometimes, staying home can make you feel so isolated from everyone else and the world around you. Don’t get me wrong, I would rather be at home than anywhere else, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely some days.

7. No freedom to do what you want.

I’m lucky if I get a 5 minute shower, or even wash my hair for that matter. Can I get a hallelujah for dry-shampoo? From the time my eyes open until the time they close, I have one priority on my mind at all times, and his name is Austin. I’m constantly attending to his needs; making sure he’s fed, kissing his fake boo-boo’s, doctoring his real ones, making him food he probably won’t even touch, and wiping his butt. If it were up to me, he would not whine about things that didn’t matter, he would eat everything I put in front of him, and he would take a nap every single day. But that’s not reality, and I’m responsible for him. I CHOSE this life and I’m so thankful to do all of these things, even on the days I want to pull my hair out.

8. Mentally and emotionally exhausted with a big dose of anxiety.

While staying home is such a blessing, it takes a huge toll on your body physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’ve never liked asking for help, because I’m a stubborn, independent person. I think I can do everything on my own, and that’s not true. It’s okay to ask for help, Mama. Don’t wear yourself down. Mom guilt is so real. You feel guilty for leaving your baby with someone else to take a break, or have somebody hold them for a few minutes so you can eat and shower. Don’t feel guilty. When you take a break and refresh your mind and body, you’re a better, happier you. I know for me, taking a few minutes each day allows me to not only be a better mom, but a better wife also.

Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids.

Lenny Lemons

I had the worst anxiety about staying home when Austin was born because of all of the truths listed above. Not only that, but I worried about what other people would think of me for choosing to stay home this long with him.

When you’re a mom who stays home this long, you lose your identity in a sense, or at least that’s how I feel. The truth is, you’re not just a mom. This is only a season in your life that will go by so quickly. I already can’t believe Austin will be 3 years old later this year. I’m more than a mom, and it’s okay that I put other things on hold to take care of the most important thing in my life.

I know some of these things sound like a complaint, but they’re not. I wouldn’t trade being a stay-at-home mom with my little man for anything. These are just some truths that come along with it. None of us are perfect and we shouldn’t feel guilty about feeling any of these things, just like working mom’s shouldn’t feel guilty about not staying home with their kids. We all do what we think is best. As long as your kids feel safe and loved, that’s all that matters.

To any other stay-at-home moms out there who feel exhausted, lonely, and defeated: you are enough. Staying home with your children is a REAL job. Don’t ever let anyone else judge you for that. Be proud of it. One day you will look back, and you’ll be so glad you did it. I know I won’t get this time back with my baby and I’m so grateful I get to spend all of this time with him. I’m thankful I’m the one who gets to teach him certain things, watch him grow, and hold him whenever I want. Being with him is more important to me than any other job out there.

Children are not a distraction from more important work. They ARE the most important work.

C.S. Lewis

Time is flying by. So hang in there, Mama. The days are long, but the years are short. You won’t always feel this way, and you won’t always be home with your kids. Soak up every moment and never take this extra time you’ve been given with your kids for granted. You are a great mom and should never feel bad for being at home with them.

Embrace the chaos, take deep breaths, and know you’re doing an awesome job. You’ve got this!

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